Heartstrings.

I pondered the realness of the world today, over ice cream. Or rather the "realness" of my world. The similarities and the differences I share with people, laughs, tears, pros and cons. A plethora of life experience and knowledge creating the world I have made for myself. Not imaginary, just customized. So, while sitting there I wondered, what life experiences have made me think the way I do, or more specifically, how I perceive this world to be. There have been constant choices that have been made to bring me here to this moment of enjoying my chocolate ice cream ( complete with M&Ms, jimmies, and Nestle Crunch crumbles). But was there one moment in time that decided my fate? or have there always been little bits of life happening around me, mine for the taking to piece together my million piece puzzle that is becoming my life? The latter sounds the most reasonable and likely. Which for the most part has been exciting. I like puzzles, I like challenge. Tell me I can't and I will prove you wrong, stubborn as that may be...

The Velveteen Rabbit once asked the Skin Horse if becoming real hurts. And the Horse, always being truthful, said that sometimes it does; but once you are real you do not mind being hurt. It sounds so ridiculous and irrational to cast aside pain and soldier through it as if it were air or wind, something subconsciously thought about. But maybe the Skin horse was on to something. I have met many people, who would gladly take the place of their family member lying in the hospital bed. To shoulder the hurt, because of love. The heart is tethered to the vibration of life. It tugs at our heartstrings, it knows when to send out signals of distress or joy. And through our journey of life we become more insightful and can hear the heart beat.


In more ways the one our heart is a vital organ; ways that we cannot conceivably try to fathom. Our lives are dictated by its beats and we teeter along the pulse of life; and consciously (or not) ask it to keep ticking. We ask a lot of our heart, physically and emotionally. Sometimes there is a simple solution, other times you are torn in so many directions the heart's answer is lost, blurred beneath the deluge of possibilities, all as questionable as the next.


So what do you do in this situation? How do you remedy a lost heart? A broken heart? The paradox of this answer is that what works for me may not work for you. There is nothing concrete about a heartbeat. I could tell you to travel cross-country and soul search, take pictures of everything and everyone you meet. LEARN from your friends, your enemies. Burn a bridge, I hear you can rebuild if need be. Be reckless, get it together, fall apart, fall into someones arms. Cry. Laugh over coffee, call the right people, or listen to yourself for once.


See? Possibilities. The ability to make the decision to DO something is the most fearsome. It constitutes change. It makes us question, which is only human. But silence is probably fear's best friend, our worst enemy, yet where we run to first. To admit defeat or fear is not a trait humans enjoy or revel in. We would rather portray the picture of health and happiness; while our insides are picked at and tested. I...we would do well to take down the wall we have put up between ourselves and those who are willing, eager, and non-judgmentally here to assist. Even if its brick by brick and not all at once. We have to start somewhere. It is part of the REAL journey of life, little by little, and year by year we eventually learn to be. It is impossible to stay the same, it should be exciting rather than terrifying. And, as the Skin Horse also said, " It doesn't happen all at once, it takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily or have sharp edges or who have to be carefully kept...because once you are real you can't be ugly, except to the people who don't understand".