Click.

My first camera was invisible. The best kind you can get. Every shot was perfect, framed exactly the way I envisioned. It could switch from black and white to color with the blink of an eye with killer auto focus. I had rolls and rolls of invisible film etched into my brain. An entire collection of photographs displayed solely for my 7 year old mind to behold. I was the Susan Sontag of Wakefield, RI; don't try to persuade me otherwise.

It is not uncommon in my family for everyone to have some sort of camera. There was a slight baby boom around 1994 which made for an incessant amount of photographs from my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins...etc. Quite a bossy group if you ask me ( this said in the most endearing way). Each family member wanted the kids situated a differently. Smiling. Not Smiling. Waving. Holding a teddy bear. "Picture in a frame!" - arms above the head. They all simply wanted to portray the children in the most photogenic way. We are not frugal when it comes to photographs.

Personally, I wanted NO part of this paparazzi style of photographing. I prefer a more stealth-like approach. Hence my imaginary, invisible camera. The magic of having such a camera is I could roam about the house, the yard, the neighborhood and take pictures of whatever I pleased without feeling intrusive to my subjects... Click. Click. Click.

Fast forward seven years. I am 14 and just purchased my first camera. A Pentax for $150, manual focus, with about 15 rolls of film. I am ecstatic and breeze through 5 rolls in a 48 hour period. My high school darkroom was a guaranteed place to find me throughout the day, winding and developing film; hands smelling of photo chemicals. I cannot pinpoint where this love of photography came from, but my earliest childhood memories are of sifting through boxes upon boxes of old family photographs.

Since I stayed away from all the family posing pictures, I have learned to be subtle. Discreet. Which comes in handy when you're trying to blend in and catch those candid moments of real life. But I have always been awestruck at photo shoots that require poses. I drool over Annie Leibovitz's Vanity Fair shoots, to be biased I don't think you can get much better than that. The ability to have the idea in your head, explain it, have people understand it, and then photograph the vision...incredible. I was told by a perfect stranger while in New Orleans that if I was going to do any kind of photography involving people, I should learn to capture emotion." Tell the them to think about the happiest moment of their life, the sexiest moment of their life, any moment to drum up what you are trying to capture". It was a start and some of the best advice I received from a ruggedly handsome 30-something. He finished his drink, took his girlfriend's hand and walked out, sigh...


The point I am trying to make?
Well, there are several. In order to better myself as a photographer I have to listen. You cannot just use your eyes. Whether the photograph was taken by me or some very famous world renowned photographer, the use of all the senses is necessary. You have to appreciate the work of others. For as long as I live I will never be Annie Leibovitz or Tomme Hilton. Therefore there is no point in me trying to replicate their style, to BE them. If you haven't noticed, the world is not flat and there are over 6billion of us trying to find our way. There is no room for repetition. Everything that I have learned from photographers has to be used to perfect my own style.

All those years of looking through photographs as a child taught me to take too many pictures, make funny faces at the camera, make PRINTS, not just online albums, accidentally blind people with your flash, strike a pose, dress up in the most ridiculous outfits and go out in them. Those photographs are the proof of the roots; proof of where I come from. And each click of the shutter is another moment, another picture to capture emotion and be thankful I was there to witness it, invisible or not. Click.