For the Love of...

Charleston, SC
Currently listening to Otis Redding.

I read a complete strangers blog posting the other morning. It chronicled a struggle that had been going on for years, a confession of sorts, unbeknownst to her readers. Her words were carefully selected, thought out, it was a tender and tearful admission of the potency "rose colored glasses" can be when worn by the rest of the world. She felt alone in her plight, and I could relate. There is a certain expectation we have of the entire world when our life seems to be in disarray. We expect everyone to acknowledge or recognize our internal voice saying, "Heyy! A little help here? My life is in shambles and I am uncertain of the future, please pay attention to me." Unfortunately, even our closest friends will not know our struggles unless we first admit them. We are not surrounded by mind readers. We will more than likely throw our hands in the air, in a defeated state and scream, " For the love of..[ fill in the blank]. Sometimes that helps, odd as that may sound. But the admission that something is out of place in a world that tries its damnedest to tell us when we should be one way or another, gives us the first bit of clarity we've had in a long time. It allows other people to see what we need, it allows other people to love us. And consequently help us. The rose colored glasses are taken off by the select few people who care to see and love what's behind the impeccably strong act one has had to keep up for however long.

While we're on the subject of love, February seems to magnify it. Either the presence of, or its absence. There is a lot of pink, lots of roses, dinner reservations, proposals, I love you's, I heart you's, and more candy hearts with the words "be mine" on them than I care to eat. But I eat them anyways, every year. Regardless if Hallmark contributes to the magnification of love, the simple fact is, love is one of those intoxicating forces inexplicably available to everyone, for everything. I used to fall victim to the thought that there is one kind of love, reserved only for human beings. And while February, again, advertises for the love of another person, there are so many kinds of love. Not mention an infinite number of things to love.

In a study conducted by myself and shared with no one until now; I came to the conclusion: that which is loved, is best is loved without seeking something in return, or in search of personal gain. Just loved. Purely, for the love of loving. In support of my theory, I first present the innumerable times I say, "I love... [ insert inanimate object]. Something such as the smell of a wood burning stove, salty ocean air, dogs in my lap, the gnocchi appetizer at my favorite restaurant, or the sunrise in an unknown city, triggers that ease of loving something just because you can. Unforced and unhurried love. Understandably, there is a difference between the way I love chocolate and a person, neither is wrong. Love is love however it is felt, sometimes it is a helpless mortal sin, but you cannot help who or what you love. If my mortal sin comes in the form of chocolate, so be it.

The second and most pertinent, perhaps, in my theory of loving is, I cannot be more compassionate to others than I am towards myself. I am sure people have tried, but there is a slight void, the sound of escaping air where something should be sealed and whole. We all thrive in the light of love, its shadow even. And it cannot be fully given to another if I cannot first feel it for myself.

So what is my point? I started this entry about one woman's ability to stiff arm her way through the the hardest part of life she has ever known. She persevered; not without help. And not in the absence of love. My point is, there is no absence of love. There is always someone or something to love. It is not for the faint hearted. You have to live with an open heart, at risk of having it broken. Open hearted living is something not easily accomplished, it takes time. Trial and error even. Trust. Patience. Understanding. Forgiveness. All of which must be turned inward before they can be given. However, amidst the whirlwind of the art of loving, there is someone out there who has been through this before, someone who's got it right. And the most overlooked fact in the world is, while you are on your own personal journey, there is always....always someone who is loving you.


So when you love, love it good and fierce and without question. Love because you can, because you have been given the chance.

Laugh.

Charleston,SC
A rainy day...

Recently, there have been one or two intense moments life has thrown my way, one or two more than I would like to be honest. There is that initial pitting in my stomach and sincere uncertainty about what the next few months will bring. Life seems a bit gray for my taste. And I've needed a few pick me ups to stay up to par.

It has become apparent that the word business also implies being"busy". Imagine that. I have not spent this much time in front of a computer since I discovered AIM in 7th grade. I have felt cross-eyed and tired; but productive, editing photos with the weathered voiced of Ray Lamontagne serenading me hardly makes work feel like work. To be completely self-centered, the one thing I miss is the frequency my "Ashley Photo Days", they have to be wedged into the last few hours of a day. But if I have those few hours, I will drive across state lines in order to have the kind of photo day I think will quench my nomadic, photographers soul. I managed to have one, exquisite day in the early part of October. I am long, LONG, overdue for another. This now sheds piercing light on the ultimate lesson of my 25th year, with such "busy-ness", so comes the bittersweet balance (or imbalance) of life; the tug of war I will forever have with time.


Somehow, I have managed to cling to sanity. The age old doctrine that " laughter is the best medicine" never held more power than now. I have discovered some of the most hysterical and humbling things to laugh over, all of which have left me more aware of my own humanity, and that I am not walking among Gods who do no wrong.


The first fits of laughter came on a November evening. One simple phrase changed everything.

"Damn you autocorrect!". Change that in to a web address and you have damnyouautocorrect.com. I have never laughed so hard at the simple change one word could have on an entire sentence. My Mother and I were rooted to our seats, caught in that silent, I am going to pee my pants, can't stop laughing kind of hysterics. I have never needed a good laugh a better time. I frequent the site weekly now and have forwarded it to various friends and family who appreciate a good old fashioned slip of the iphone keyboard mistake. I advise you to check it out.





Thank you Marcia Macres for the initial introduction of this website. I thought my laugh box was broken forever, I have been proven otherwise.



The next bit of laughter comes from one of a kind childhood/adulthood moments, accompanied by illustrated interpretation. Written by none other then Allie Brosh. A brief synopsis of her work would conclude that she has a true gift for illustrating emotional responses to happiness, pain, anger, rejection about the most day to day happenings in life through Microsoft Paint. I don't know when the last time you tried to depict how a fish almost destroyed your childhood or when you tried to booty dance like Beyonce in cartoon form but, its safe to say my drawings would be unequivocally displayed. the entire blog is shear genius and I wait very impatiently for every new entry.
Thank you Erica Knowles for the much needed hilarious life stories of Allie.
hyperboleandahalf@blogspot.com


The final installment and near repair of my sanity is the extraordinary website 27bslash6.com. I have always appreciated someone with impeccable wit and those "one liners" that I think of three seconds to late; frankly I am a little jealous. To write and draw something that has happened, or a totally honest mistake in a text message is one thing, but to be purposeful with your responses, in the moment and garner a reaction of such shock, especially via email, and KNOW it is funny enough to create an entire website around is...well, BRILLIANT.
Thank you Kateland Kammel for this one.


Alright, now that I feel you have been successfully educated on ways of to laugh harder than ever, I think it is necessary to address that in the most stressful or darkest moments of life, always...always look for the silver lining. That, quite possibly, may be the best advice I have ever received while in the midst of a swirling tornado of displaced emotions. It forces you to look at something so differently than it is presented. And it is comforting to know that as untouchable as a silver lining can be, it has such concrete meaning and can breed a strength unknowable to the person it embodies.
Thank you Dale Sanders for your wonderful and kind advice.


I would have never thought that people being themselves would bring such relief to my unrelenting thoughts, the radiance that one can have just from laughing is a necessity.

I am forever grateful to the friends who helped me laugh. And as for for the relentless secondhand of the clock, time will always be something I have to manage, at times with a little more tact and grace. Its been a long time since I've written something other than a wedding or engagement blog, I intend to throw a little bit of "me" into the next few entries. Until then...


Today's pictures are brought to you from various "Ashley photo days", taken with the sincere intention of finding something to smile about...